


A First Kiss

by CharmanteCharming



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-16 01:45:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12332991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharmanteCharming/pseuds/CharmanteCharming
Summary: After the kiss shared between Marya and Hélène, Marya was left hurt and betrayed and Hélène is determined to feel those lips against hers again but can she make it up to Marya? Can she grow and learn how to fix this mess? Can they find happiness together?





	1. A Wasted Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> This fic will begin with a lot of angst but it I'll make up for that as the fic goes on, I promise, you will get your Marya/Hélène end goals

Sitting there, looking at those lips, those fiery red lips made Hélène think back to that night, those lips pressed against her own and the crimson lipstick staining her face.  
Looking at those hands made her think back to that night, the way they gripped her hips like it was the last time they were ever going to be there, the way they raked through her curly hair and made her feel so alive.  
Those eyes, that hair, those strong arms all made Hélène reminisce about that evening and the way Marya carried it all made her heart burst. At first she had only kissed Marya to distract her for a while to allow Anatole to sneak away with Natasha but there was something there, something that had never been there before. Of course, then it all went downhill, Hélène could still feel her skin burning from where Marya’s hands were when she had pushed her away, she could still feel the guilt that trickled through her when she saw the pained and hurt look in those gorgeous eyes. It stung and Hélène had never regretted anything more in her life, she had to make things better, she had to. So that’s exactly what she planned to do as she felt herself walking over to Marya Dmitrievna who was sat alone in the corner of the café reading her book and sipping her tea, staining the glass with her lipstick like she had Hélène’s own lips. Hélène stopped suddenly in the middle of the café, the air suddenly knocked out of her lungs and she realised just how nervous she was about doing this. What if Marya didn’t forgive her? What if she hated her? What if she stood up and screamed at her, the way she had done with Anatole? Pressing her fingers to her lips, Hélène dismissed these thoughts, she regained her confidence because she knew that she had to feel those lips again.

She walked to where Marya was sitting, still Marya hadn’t noticed her presence, she was engrossed in a book. Hélène leaned slightly over Marya’s shoulder to try and see what she was reading when Marya realised someone was behind her and turned around to see who it was and why they were so close. As Hélène neared closer and Marya turned around, Marya’s head collided with Hélène’s chest causing Hélène to stumble backwards and Marya to give a loud gasp.

“What the hell were you doing?” Marya exclaimed, standing up “why-” she began, and then she saw who it was “you”.  
.  
“Me” Hélène replied awestruck from being this close to Marya once again.

Marya’s look shifted from shock to a subtle but mostly contained anger and Hélène began to think that maybe this was a bad idea after all.

“You have no right to come over to me like this, not after what you and your brother have done”.

Hélène froze, she had expected upset, she had expected anger and rage but this cold and contained anger wasn’t something that she had expected and somehow it hurt more.  
However, like a true Kuragin would, she held her head high, kept her herself calm and said “I apologise for scaring you just there but I really need to talk to you, I feel like you deserve an explanation”.  
“And what makes you think that I want anything from you?” Marya said, her voice slightly breaking towards the end of the sentence. She was cracking and Hélène could see it, it pained Hélène to see how much she had hurt her. Marya swallowed and kept her eyes trained on Hélène, regaining her composure.

“Because, well, I don’t know, but I need to tell you everything, not just for your sake but for my own”. Hélène looked down at her feet, afraid of what she might see when she looked up at Marya.

“Fine”

“What?”

“I said fine, I’ll listen to what you have to say” The taller woman stated.

“Of course, can we go somewhere more private?” Hélène said looking up at Marya finally, surprised to find that some of the coldness had left her face.

Marya turned around to collect her things, her tea in one hand and her bag in the other, “follow me”.  
Marya led Hélène to the other side of the café where there was a door, she held it open so that Hélène could go through first as she mumbled a quiet “thank you”. Through the door there was a set of stairs which led to another door. Hélène opened the door to find a rooftop garden, completely empty except now for the two of them. 

A “wow” escaped Hélène’s lips as she took in how beautiful it was up there, causing the corner of Marya’s lips to turn up before she remembered why they were there and a stern look returned to her face.

Marya gestured for Hélène to come and sit on the other chair next to the table, she did so and nerves filled her body, making it incredibly hard to look at Marya so instead she looked at the red carnations to the left of Marya, thinking about how beautiful they would in her hair, how they would match with her lipstick and-

“So?” Marya broke the silence.

“so... I owe you an apology, what I did was wrong, I shouldn’t have kissed you under those circumstances nor should I have helped my brother with what ultimately had, well, had horrible consequences, I feel horrible about the whole thing but I was hoping we could put that all behind us and that maybe we could have a go at, have a go at us”.

Marya couldn’t believe what she had just heard, “what?” was all that she could choke out.

“I’m so sorry Marya but I want to be with you-”

 

“You want to be with me?” 

“Yes, when we kissed, I’ve never felt anything like it, like you and I know you felt it too-”

Marya’s breathing became heavier and she could feel her heart beating throughout her whole body, “You have no idea what I felt!” Marya roared. Hélène jolted back in shock. The fury was prominent in her face, her eyes filled with tears and her mouth filled with the words that were soon to break Hélène.  
“You want to know how I felt Hélène, you really want to know?” 

Hélène had dreamt of what her name would sound like on Marya’s lips since the night that they kissed, it was never like this and Hélène’s chest pounded with the cold hard reality of the situation.

“I felt used. I thought that I had finally found a girl who I could really connect with, who really wanted me and then I found out that you had just used me! Used me to hurt one of the people I love most in this world” Marya felt vulnerable as she yelled at Hélène with every fibre of her being and the tears began to pour down her cheeks as she showed how truly hurt she was, but she couldn’t stop. There had been no one to talk to after that night, there was too much focus on Natasha and she knew she shouldn’t burden Natasha, Sonya or Pierre with her own problems when Natasha’s were so much worse. So she stayed silent, she ignored these feelings as they bottled up inside of her which led to this moment where she couldn't help but to erupt and spill everything she felt that night.  
“I waited for 20 years to find someone who I felt like I could be with and who could be with me, so I went 20 whole years with not a single girlfriend, not a single kiss because I wanted my first kiss to be with someone who was passionate about me, who respected me, and look what I wasted it on” she finished and spat out those final last words that lingered in Hélène’s head all night. Marya stormed out, her face red,her mascara smudged across her face, leaving Hélène all by herself on the rooftop with nothing but the carnations to hear her sob.


	2. Dear Brother/ Sweet sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hélène is distraught over her meeting with Marya and Anatole tries to help
> 
> (Some Danatole in this one)

Hélène stayed on that rooftop until it was physically impossible to cry anymore. The immediate shock and upset had been replaced with an empty feeling in her chest. Some part of her had expected that reaction but she still couldn’t quite believe it. She felt stupid. How could she have expected Marya to forgive her? Of course she wouldn’t and she was right not to. It wasn’t until Marya let go of her feelings in that fit of rage that Hélène had realised how badly she had messed this one up. Hélène didn’t know who she felt more sorry for, herself or Marya. Actually, thinking about it, she did know: not only was Marya so alone on account of what Hélène and Anatole had done, but that was her first kiss. That bit had shocked Hélène most of all, she had expected Marya to be so experienced in relationships, she seemed so wise, but to know that she had stolen that first kiss from Marya made her chest hurt. The Wasted kiss. Those words rang in Hélène’s head .“Look what I wasted it on”. Hélène was disgusted with herself; she wanted to help the situation but she just didn’t know how. She wanted to make Marya feel less alone and to give her someone to talk to but there was nothing she could do.

Hélène left the rooftop after she could see that the redness around her eyes had faded away, she applied a fresh coat of mascara and lipstick and exited the café. 

Hélène walked through the door of the apartment she shared with Anatole and Dolokhov to see them tangled together, asleep on the sofa. Figures. She felt the pain grow as she continued to look at them, and eventually it became too much. 

She raced to her bedroom. She didn't know what this feeling was but she hated it; she felt sad but not in a way that made her want to cry, in a way that made her want to slam a door or smash a plate. She slammed her door shut as hard as she could, causing a picture frame next to the door to crash to the ground. The heat she had just been feeling disappeared immediately and just when she thought it wasn't possible to cry anymore, she did. Tears fell thick and fast from her eyes. 

Hélène and Anatole had promised that today they would confess and apologise to Marya and Dolokhov for the whole situation. It had apparently gone far better for her brother. She should be happy for her brother, but the more she thought about it the more hurt and frustrated she felt.

“Hélène,” Anatole said gently from outside of the door. Hélène could see the doorknob turning but she couldn’t face her brother, not right now.

“Leave me alone,” she managed to choke out.

“Elena, please.” He sounded desperate, he sounded worried, but at that moment, Hélène didn’t care.

“GO!” she shouted.

There was a moment of silence,then she heard footsteps getting fainter and fainter, disappearing until they were gone. He’d probably gone to go and lie down with Fedya again. The thought made her begin to cry again as she thought about how lonely she was and how lonely Marya must be. She cried until her throat was raw and she fell into a restless sleep.

When Hélène woke up her head pounded. Her eyes were still sore and her throat hurt like hell. She was still in the same clothes from yesterday so she reluctantly got up to change, but noticed that the picture she had knocked down yesterday was no longer there. She looked around frantically; it was her favourite picture and she couldn’t find it anywhere. She began to panic; before she knew it she had turned the entire room upside down looking for it, and then she heard a knock at the door. Anatole. 

“Hélène, come out to breakfast, I have something for you.”

She wiped the tears forming in her eyes. She had to face him sometime, and now that she had had time to think about it, she wanted to spill everything to him. No one knew her like he did. She exited the room, still in her clothes from before, and joined Anatole at the table. Dolokhov wasn’t there. He didn’t have a class until 10am and it was only 9, but Hélène had a feeling that Anatole had asked him for some time alone with his sister. 

There was a stack of pancakes and two mugs of hot chocolate on the table. Anatole always did this when he knew Hélène was upset, no matter what time of the day; if Hélène was upset, it was time for pancakes and hot chocolate. They used to have it when they were children and it always cheered Hélène up. Also in the middle of the table was a present, wrapped in metallic green wrapping paper and tied with a gold ribbon, Anatole’s signature wrapping style.

“Go on, open it, I know you want to,” Anatole teased over his mug.

Hélène took the parcel and carefully undid the bow and unwrapped it. When she saw what was inside a weight lifted off her chest. 

“My photo?”

“I came in to check on you last night after you fell asleep, and I saw it on the floor. The frame was smashed and I know that it’s your favourite picture, so Fedya drove me to the store and I picked the nicest gold frame they had, put the photo in and wrapped it up. I thought it might make you happy.” He looked at her with a soft smile as she examined it.

The picture wasn’t anything special, but she loved it so much, it was taken by the one and only Fedya Dolokhov on their first day of college, catching Hélène and Anatole mid laugh. They looked so happy in it that it made it hard for Hélène to believe that she had once ever been that happy, but she had. She had been there outside the college with her two favourite people in the world and laughing so hard it hurt. She couldn't even remember why they were laughing but she remembered how overjoyed she felt. For the first time in the last day or two, she weeped tears of gratitude.

“Thank you” she said looking Anatole in the eyes.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Her brother asked gently.

“Only if you tell me what happened between you and Fedya first” she said smiling in the first time in what felt like forever. She needed time to fully cool down before she could spill what happened.

Anatole rolled his eyes “Fine.” He cleared his throat and began to speak with an uncharacteristic sheepish grin. “Um well, I made him dinner like you said I should. Well, I tried, but the water boiled over the side of the pans and the food in the oven burned and the smoke detector went crazy. Fedya walked in and saw the mess I made and he just laughed, oh my god, I love it when he laughs Hélène. Anyway, he helped me clean up and we ordered a takeaway and like the gentleman I am, I served it on the finest dishware we own.”

Hélène couldn’t help but chuckle at her brother, he always had the tendency to be over dramatic.

“Then I got really nervous, but I knew that I had to go for it, and so I did, and for the first time in my life, I was completely honest with him. I told him how I felt, I told him how sorry I was for neglecting him in favour of Natasha, and then I started crying because I felt so guilty at what I’d done, but then, then he forgave me. I can’t tell you how wonderful it felt to hear those words from him, Hélène. It filled me with so much joy that I just cried more because I couldn't believe it, and Fedya let me cry on his shoulder and it felt so good, it felt like it was what was supposed to happen, like it was meant to be, and then we fell asleep together. It was just the best feeling in the world and I never want to go another night without that feeling.”

Hearing her brother talk about him and Fedya this way simultaneously warmed her heart and pained it. Anatole’s face fell when he saw the look of sorrow on Hélène’s face.

He sighed “What happened, Hélène? Please tell me, you’re my dearest sister, I love you so much and it hurts me to see you like this”.

Hearing this, Hélène broke down. She told him everything that had happened, from the rooftop garden to the way that Marya had shouted at her. She left out the detail about it being Marya’s first kiss, though; it felt too personal, like it wasn’t hers to tell. After she finished Anatole led her to the couch where he sat and let her lay down with her head in his lap as he stroked her hair. He just waited patiently until she stopped crying and then looked down at her.

“We’re going to fix this Hélène, I don’t know how just yet but I know we’re going to fix this.”

Hearing those words from her brother soothed her to some extent. He would never lie to her, she knew that, but she so desperately wanted to fix what she had broken. She just didn’t know how. Despite this, as she looked up at Anatole, she felt slightly less lonely. She knew that she would always have her brother. Now she just wanted the same happiness her brother had with Fedya with Marya Dmitrievna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm off from college next week so I should have a lot more time to write this, hope you enjoyed this chapter :)  
> Also thank you to @jackdaveycrutchie @obiwan824 and @mai-chine on tumblr for helping me edit


End file.
